Part XXXIX: The Twelve Steps

I am not an alcoholic. The closest I've ever come is my European binge drinking semester and being considered a regular at Peel Pub on Tuesday nights. No, I am not an alcoholic, but I am going through the stages.

That's right, I'm making a euphemism for editing. Editing is now my alcohol. Also kind of explains my decline in social life too eh?

Stage 1: Footage
Wow. I have a lot of footage. Some of it terrible, some of it not-so-terrible but all seems in excess. I know I have at least fourteen shots of my feet or legs somewhere in the never ending list of clips. The giant list seems overwhelming but also reassuring. I must be able to patch some of these clips together to make something right?

Stage 2: Cutting
No, I don't mean the emo cutting yourself for pleasure way. I mean transcribing (extremely time consuming) and cutting up interviews and looking for b-roll that you'll think you'll use and realize is crap in a later stage. Now that I think about it, by the end of this stage I did feel like cutting myself.

Stage 3: Storyboarding
This stage can be likened to taking a 5000 piece puzzle and dumping it over all over the dining room table. All the pieces are the right size and can fit together, but you just have to figure out how. Let's just say I was never one for puzzles. I find this stage the hardest because there are so many places you can start. Do you start with the edges (the beginning and the end) or do you try to fit some pieces together that seem to make sense (nesting)?

Stage 4: BRoll
Remember when I just said that stage three was the hardest? I lied. I always feel like it is when I'm doing it, then I get to this stage. In stage four you realize you have to cover your cuts with broll that sometimes you have, sometimes you don't. Sometimes it makes sense, some times it doesn't. There is always that cold chill you get when you realize: 'I need to re-shoot this'.

Stage 5: Re-shoot
So far for this project I've had to re-shoot two interviews and endless broll scenes. This is one of the most frustrating things for me because camera operation is not where I excel. Sometimes I come into the edit suite only to find things are out of focus or shaky or the colour temperature is wrong. Often times you can fix these things in post but re-shooting is sometimes the only choice.

Stage 6: Agitation
By this time you are getting mad at the project, like it set out to personally get under your skin. Everything you do, even the most simple tasks, seem like carrying the world on your shoulders like Atlas.

Stage 7: Paranoia
Okay, this project defenitely is out to get me. It is at this stage that it seems like Adobe crashes seconds before you hit save and you wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because rendering, importing and encoding have been reoccuring characters in your nightmare. You swear that everytime you leave your chair to go to the bathroom someone has pressed apple Z about twenty times to lose a half hour of work. All you can think about is your movie.

Stage 8: Depression
OhGod! This movie will never get done! Everyone's will be better than mine and I'll never make it as a journalist. Why did they pick me for this job! How can I salvage this so people will not look down on me and scoff? This is the stage where heavy drinking starts and can actually lead to the real 12 steps.

Stage 9: Fury
"I swear to God, I am going to throw this computer down a flight of stairs." By this stage you are getting mad at the project. Your behaviour towards innocent coworkers and friends becomes very nasty. You snap at people using the photocopier too loud or sipping their coffee too early. Lights are too bright, so bright that you want to punch them out. This stage is similar to stage six except more extreme.

Stage 10: Hope
The funny thing about the fury stage is it's also the most productive stage. The rage that consumes your veins also drives you to work longer hours and edit like you're on speed. So once you emerge from the haze of fury, you realize that you've actually gotten a lot done. Nay, you are almost done. Instantly your mood lifts. You are nicer to your coworkers who are often cowering in fear, you carry groceries for old ladies instead of trying to mow them down with your pick-up, you feel a smile coming to your face instead of the perpetual grimace.

Stage 11: Jealousy
You're feeling good until you notice other people's roughcuts up on the video sharing website. You watch. Your smile fades slowly. You realize that their movies are good. Really good. Better than yours good. Damnit... This is where you want to sabotage everyone else's project somehow even if that means travelling across the country a breaking into various Parks offices.

Stage 12: Completion/Satisfaction
You focus all your energies on making your own movie as great as everyone else's. Two hours fixing camera shake? Completely rational. A day spent exactly matching colours and designing a title? Totally fine. This is the OCD stage, where every single flaw seems like a Montreal-sized pothole. You go through your movie with a fine toothed comb until you see that final government of Canada flag stop waving. You are finished. You feel both happy and empty at the same time. You psh your baby bird out of the nest and into the world.

So you see, I have been consumed by the twelve stages. Waiting for August 5 when I can go back to Montreal and break out of the stages. Summer? Didn't even notice the past two weeks. I only realized today that July is almost done. Where did all the time go? Well, better live it up now and go out and have a drink... don't worry, I won't become an alcoholic.